i hurt ... really bad... like my back and hips are the worst time around and my shoulders aren't too far behind ... and i am not entirely sure why this crash is so much worse than it has been for weeks... if i had to guess it's one (or all) of:

• setting up the new nas
• the uti that i've had for two weeks now
• cummulative stressors since coming back from jamaica - not the least of which is syla killing a fucking skunk

in any case, here i sit, doing what i do when i am in pain .. dissociating into my laptop. the good thing is that i got the old nas all transferred over the to new one. although, i do need to go through and clean it all up now. while i was rsync'ing it all, i noticed a few files and folders that may or may not be outdated or obsolete.

i feel bad cos i am literally tuned all the way out and the hubster was just getting used to having the old me back. it's ok - i'll be ok. i just need to hang on.

so lemme tell you a little bit about my me-cfs ... cos it looks different for everyone.

i am in almost constant pain; my shoulders, hips, sciatic nerve (because i spend so much time sitting), and wrists all hurt to some degree all the time. when i get a "crash", they all hurt at about a 8 or 9. if i stop long enough, i feel like crying. which ... is what a 10 is supposed to be, yes? the picture of the cartoon face signifying pain severity always has 10 with tears.

(side note: why does that image feel ableist to me? like ... not everybody can see the faces, people)

the solution is sleep. which i should be doing ... but i have a tech bug up my ass. which is bad cos now it'll just prolong this crash. i really should spend the day tomorrow doing nothing but sleeping... assuming i don't feel better by then.

😔 /sigh ... this sucks... big big